Recently, I got a chance to record a brilliant, three-line pitch for Easy Way, some type of electrode-in-ears/smoking cessation program. (As you can tell, I certainly know the product.) But… the client had to pull my faux-testimonial, due to the medical nature of the service and my lack of, well, actual participation in said program.

My dreams of being back in rotation on late-night, UPN shows are dashed and there’s little that can be said to console me. So, please, do not even try.

The words still ring my electrode-free ears: “I tried it all and nothing worked. Then I went to Easy Way. I haven’t chewed or smoked since.” Sniff.

It’s the day of reckoning. The St. Frances Cabrini 5th/6th grade, “crusader division” soccer team faces its first test of the young season, with an SJA tournament game against St. Ambrose. It’s the Mini-U.N. of Cabrini vs. St. Ambrose’s Children of Italia. Will pluck save the day? Can goals rain down from the heavens – or will it just rain? Can the coach think less about this encounter than the players?

All will be revealed at the friendly confines of Arsenal Park, this afternoon, 5:30 p.m. kickoff. Updates, of course, will be coming as soon as possible, for all concerned parties.

(Result: Cabrini forces a shootout session, playing 50-minutes of scoreless soccer. In the penalty kick round, Amblessed Oparaji and Walter Burke make their shots and goalkeeper Thomas Nguyen saves the decisive St. Ambrose shot. With that, the team exceeds last year’s win total. Next up, a match on Friday, at Tilles Park, 5:30 p.m.)

Ol’ Webster U and I go way back. Freshman, 1985. Ninth-year adjunct, 2005.

Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes.

Do you have any old/unused soccer equipment or sports clothing for kids 10-12? If so, I could very much put the stuff to use. The reasons for this request will be made more clear later this week. Thanks.

Oh, it’s not for “an art project.”

I made IMDB.

Whoa. That’s alright.

(Hmm. How do I get rid of that weird spam in the comments section?)

If readers ever overhear me in real life bad-mouthing the quick, crisp, clear bringer of fast internet connectivity – oh, glorious DSL! – they are allowed to hit me, hard, on one, or the other, arm. Thank you.

(Technology update. DSL: connected. Phone: still wrecked. Cable: currently watching “Planet of the Apes,” the TV show verstion, no less; how did I live without cable?)

St. Louis Circuit Attorney Jennifer Joyce will be the guest of The Wire, tonight at 7:30 p.m. on KDHX 88.1 fm. Though we’ll come fully loaded with questions, it never hurts to ask for more. If you’ve got some thoughts about crimefighting in St. Louis, just a add a comment.

I have only one phone number, one car and one bad case of late-summer ennui. But I now have two blogs. Or, at least, I maintain parental rights over a third of another blog, which is plenty.

After a bit of incubation, the blog of 52ndcity.com has been born. Just this morning in fact. Please refer to it early and often; whenever the need strikes, really. And note the fact that we’re already pimping you for cash, though we’ll offer an amazing night of head-scratching trivia for your dollars.

On behalf of fellow-posters Andrea Avery, Stefene Russell and tech operative Brian Marston, welcome.

(This meta-entry was brought to you by the STLsyndicate and by viewers like you.)

So it turns out that the Geyer Inn, my recommended target for the “really tiny bars” story, winds up small but unruly. As in: the most racist joint I’ve hit in some time. The three bums seated along the bar – one old cat and two young ruffians – were some of the vilest characters I’ve had the misfortune to overhear in some time. And, yes, since it was a small bar there was only too much chance to take in the eavesdropping. So, the Geyer Inn is off the list. If anyone knows an itty-bitty STL County bar, do drop a line…

Spinning records at the Pageant last night was a total treat, on a number of levels. For starters, you’re, you know, standing onstage at the Pageant. Doesn’t matter if not a soul in the place is paying you a bit of attention, you’re still there. Onstage. At the Pageant. And the sound! Between the monitor right next to you and the overhead main pointing directly down towards your head, the volume comes at you with real force. The bass, you feel. The most memorable moment came when two, decked-out teens walked up to the lip of the stage, asking who sang the song that playing moment, which happened to be Ebn-Ozn’s “AEIOU Sometimes Y.” I handed over the LP’s jacket, they perused it, then danced and sang along to the lyrics. Aging, I tell you…

There’ll be more on this in a coming post and on that promised new blog (soon!), but if you’d be so kind as to save the night of Friday, August 26, I’d surely appreciate it. The evening will feature a trivia night at Mad Art Gallery. Questions are currently being composed and, without bragging, they’re a challenging, themed bunch. Tables are $100 for 10 players, with limited space available. If you, or someone you know, is into the favored STL pastime of weekly trivia playing, consider it. Drop a line for details…

And lastly, for those picking up the monthly mags, I’ve got a piece on Maplehood Rekkids in the new Sauce and an interview with Matt Diestelrath of KYMC radio in the current Playback…

That is all.

I’m late to the public-posting-of-story-needs subgenre. But here goes:

I’m looking for a really small, exurban bar in the metro area. I have the City bar, think I have the County and Eastside bars and only need the outlying place to have the piece in focus. Thoughts? Post below. Danke.

And thought I don’t usually do this, I’m pretty pleased with the review of Study Hall in yesterday’s “Get Out,” so much so that I’m in danger of pulling a muscle from all the back-patting.