It’s 10:22 a.m. on a Wednesday. This is normally the time I’d be rousing myself from sleep, but an appointment had me up earlier than normal today. With a few minutes to kill, I noticed that at 8:35 a.m., I’d already received about 57 e-mails on the morning, a good number for a full day. Even the quickest check showed something awry, as almost every subject line was “re:” and there were dozens of those, mixed in with the daily dose of junk and even a few legit pieces of correspondence.
Well, apparently, my account just added to the world’s spam problem, as my Yahoo contact list has been used to distribute some Canadian pharmacy options to friends, colleagues, countless former students and folks that I couldn’t place in a police lineup. As I’ve responded to each, I’ve gotten more e-mails, along with responses to my responses. I’m currently at well over 100 e-mails sent and received this morning. Fun.
Wading through additional readings every few minutes, I’ve begun to detect a pattern in the responses-to-responses. Guys over 30 often write “Don’t need Viagra… yet!” Others bear a vaguely hostile “WHAT IS THIS?” or the more confused “Huh?” And while I appreciate the “I just wanted you to know” tone of many… I know! I know! And I’m so sorry! But I know!
After changing my account password, it seemed a good time to trim away at the 1,031 names in my account book. Now, I’m a lean, sinewy 690, simply by knocking out students from 2001-2008, names that I simply don’t remember and a few dozen enemies. It’s very cleansing. But only cleansing, after the fact. Because at some time during the 7 a.m. time block this morning, my computer sent Viagra appeals to all these good folks:
Noted American historian Howard Zinn
The parents of my soccer players
Former State Senator Jeff Smith
All of St. Louis’ TV and radio sports media, including Rich Gould, Frank Cusumano, Martin Kilcoyne, Bob Ramsey, Andy Strickland and Rene Knott
At least two employees of Roxy’s
Someone named Silab
Soemone named John Doe
Various people that write me checks
Roger Boyd of the band Head East
And all my current students at Webster U., which will make for countless enjoyable comments at the start of the next couple classes
Happy Wednesday, folks!