The Great Unload V: Corn vs. Korn (CvK)

In 2010, I offered up some ideas to the world, free of charge, free of expectations. Mixed results came from these earliest brainstorms. By my count, one had a positive conclusion: I listened to a Painkillers tape and thought it should get re-released and that’s exactly what happened. Turns out the band dug the idea, too, as did Euclid Records; the band even reformed, for a time. Ryan Coyne on the other hand, well, he still don’t wanna fight me. Out of the all the people in the world who wanna hit me, he’s not one. That’s bad luck. And my t-shirt idea floated away like an errant kite; bye-bye unloved idea! But in 2012, I offered my best, stillborn concept ever: the notion of a bar for Chicagoland expats, right here in good, old St. Louis. I’d say that once every three months, someone asks me about that one, suggesting that they’d considered it, or knew people who might. My price for anyone who takes this brilliant idea and runs with it remains a free Old Style. I’m still waiting.

Because I’m bursting with another round of ideas that have little-to-no chance of existing, it’s time to unload again…

We live in a world obsessed with the instantaneous feedback and satisfaction. Today’s idea wasn’t mine; it came to me from a friend, one who may not want to claim credit for this absolute gem of a thought. Which, by the way, was first discussed exactly three days ago. The background that you need is simple: I love corn. Right out of a can, on the cob, even in hydrated packets. Love it, love it, love it. And I love Korn. Early stuff, later stuff. (Okay, the dubstep years were a little rough on me.) But I love Korn, really I do. So why not combine the interests, with a site that would combine themes? Ladies and gentlemen: Corn vs. Korn, aka (Thanks be for Icelandic URLs.)

I’d love to visit and photograph an old-school, Missouri or Illinois corn farm. I’d love to post Q/A’s with former Monsanto chemists, who’ve gone rogue. On the other hand, I’d also like to interview Head and Munky. Win/win. This doesn’t seem like a forever idea, but as an idea built for three months? Information and entertainment gold, times two.

If I’m to believe the internet (and why wouldn’t I?), even the group’s dipped into the aggro-agriculture realm: “Korn Growing Corn in Studio While Working on New Album.” Wait? What! There’s gotta be a fit here!

Working with complete lack of patience and common-sense, I’m sending this idea to Korn’s publicist right now. If no word comes back within the next 72 hours, you know I’ll be panicking. Right here, in fact.

The Great Unload Series, circa 2014, returns tomorrow. Topic: goats!

The Great Unload IV: The Chicago Bar
The Great Unload III: Fighting Ryan Coyne
The Great Unload II: Tee-Shirts
The Great Unload I: Jeff Barbush/Painkillers