It’s cereal time!

I’ve decided to transfer my phone service and mail delivery down to Hartford Coffee Company, to save time. Hell, in that vein, I should just move in. The only problem would be sleeping arrangements, as I like to zone out into the 9-10 range, while the pint-sized H.C.C. regulars, many under the age of three, love to raise Cain in the same, early hours. The racket of those wee noisemakers!

Actually, there might be a second problem. I just don’t dig traditional breakfasts; the toast and the jam and the what-not. To that end, I’m encouraging the Hartford braintrust to consider entering the world of hyper-post-hipster-irony by stocking breakfast cereals, such as Count Chocula, Froot Loops and Trix. Admittedly, these brands might mean supporting some of the world’s largest multi-national corporations, but I’m willing to sacrific a pinch of liberal cred in exchange for the delicious taste of, well, Boo Berry. Whether the venue is willing to bend on these principles is a matter that’ll be determined soon, with yours truly whining until resolution is attained.

In the meantime, I’d love to know of any sustainable, progressive, fair trade cereals that pack the same wallop as, say, Alpha Bits or Cocoa Puffs. Maybe something made with hemp or recycled rubber shavings? Or produced by indigenous farmers in Belize or Taipei?

Can anyone help me?

Can you help me?